No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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