The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
