go do what you do best...puke behind churches
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
