Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
