you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
