We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
