your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
