She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
