it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize