At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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