WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
