I think my vagina is haunted
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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