I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
