I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
