Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
