i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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