I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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