I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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