Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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