So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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