If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
