Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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