its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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