I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
