it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
