conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
