He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
