I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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