the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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