get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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