I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
