Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
