You're my little dorito
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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