I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
