You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
