I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
