Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i out mim tonsoeep
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