just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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