he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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