what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
