someone threw a dead crab at me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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