Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
