i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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