He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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