Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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