2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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