Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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