I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
