Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
