Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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