Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
