i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
