I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
