If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
