were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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